Funhouse
by torianime246
Summary: This is a game show where the rules come and go. Ichigo and the gang have been chosen to be competitors and game makers. The one pulling the strings is a mysterious producer who is hellbent on making the gang suffer. Hopefully everybody can make it with at least one limb still attached. Maybe. Welcome the Funhouse!
1. Chapter 1

This is my first fanfic. I wish I did but I do not own Bleach or the characters.

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Ichigo's POV

Looking at up at the top of the skyscraper I started to wish I had stayed home. This is the last time I let Orihime and Rukia convince me to do anything this damn ridiculous. I checked the safety straps for the fourth time. I wasn't really worried if I would die in my human body but it would still hurt like hell if I hit the concrete. I heard the high-pitched whimpers from behind and clearly saw the beads of sweat dripping from all the competitors face. I wished for the last time that I could drop the macho act and back out of this insane climb. Then the horn sounded and I started to climb.

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This is just a little prologue before the actual story.

Please review my story and let me know what you think.


	2. Welcome to the Funhouse!

Well this is the next chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or the characters. I see this a lot so I think I'm supposed to add it.

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Ichigo POV

How the hell did I end up here? I was supposed to spend my summer working at my barely kept job. I'm really walking on very thin, cracking ice with my crazy boss. This better look good on my college application. If I even graduated with all the absences I might somehow be getting away with. Now that I'm here I better win or my boss will definitely fire me for wasting her time. It's bad enough getting invited to the madness but did they have to do it at school. My class already thinks I some delinquent and I wanted it to stay that way. I'm going to look so lame if I don't win this competition. My reputation and pride is at stake. At least that's what I thought until I saw the other contestants. Byakuya is going to kill me and Grimmjow might help him do it. That's if they beat Kenpachi to the first swing at my neck. Its going to be very lovely. Thinking back to that butterfly on my window sill I really should have seen it coming.

(Time skip back to two days ago)

I squinted my eyes while shielding the light with the cover from my newly repaired window. I have go to find time to buy some curtains but why bother when that midget and her gang of idiots are going to tear them down anyway.

Beep Beep….clatter and crash.

And there goes that damn alarm. Knocking it over isn't very mature of me but that sound is irritating. I shuffled my covers around and pulled them back over my head for five more minutes of sleep. When I opened my eyes again and squinted towards the light I saw a strange black butterfly fluttering against my window. It hovered around the window seal like it was trying to get in. Too tired to care I rolled back over and never gave it a second thought. Turns out I'm very naïve.

"Dinner's ready Ichi-ni" called Yuzu from the bottom of the stairs.

That was my last warning to get up. I got dressed like normal and went downstairs. I calmly deflected one of my dad's lame attacks and quietly at my breakfast next to Karin who was just about finished. She was wearing her new middile school outfit.

"Good Mornin' "

"Good Morning" she said with the same stoic expression. No warm and happy smiles coming my way this morning. Understandable.

That's when dad decided to revive himself. "My son has learned well" said through a hand filled with blood from his nose.

"Dad are you okay?" Yuzu should know that answer by know. I mean come on. Doesn't this happen everyday.

"Don't worry about him. He'll live." She took another look over her shoulder. "Probably." says Karin, a lot tougher than Yuzu.

After that I finished my breakfast and headed to school. If I had known what would have happened I would have let dad hit me and stayed home. He might be suspicious but he wouldn't argue with Yuzu around.

I sat in my seat after my usual morning greetings to Orihime, Chad, Keigo, Tatsuki and an acknowledgement to Uryu.

Time ticked by in that cliché way class usually does. I stared out the window kind of hoping a hollow would waltz by and give an excuse for me to run out. My teacher stopped caring a while ago and finds it perfectly normal. I wonder what that says about her awesome teaching attitude. I wonder would she get fired if the school board knew? Hmmm…Oh well. I'm still graduating…somehow.

The chime coming from the com system brought back to attention. My stomach dropped when I heard my name. My head flew to my desk when I recognized that voice.

Renji Abarai was in the world of the living. At my school. Telling me I need to report to Urahara's shop immediately. Then I know he wasn't supposed to be talking when I heard the struggle for the microphone.

" Sir, please put down the microphone" said the office lady.

" Hey! Wait your turn" you could definitely hear Renji's faded voice.

" Sir, your not supposed to be talking."

" Lady back off! Ichigo, remember what I told ya."

"I'm going to call security."

Then the com cuts off and sweat is pouring down my face.

I haul ass out the class to the office where I grab Renji. We race out the school and don't speak till we get to the shop. I immediately stop to catch my breath and give Renji a spectacular punch to the face for embarrassing me…again. I don't want them to be reminded of that hallway fiasco.

Urahara pops out of the shop through the screen door.

"Hey fellas! How's it going?"

"Hi! I don't have time for you, Urahara. You sent this idiot. Why?" fumed Ichigo. He really was trying to stay in school this time.

"Well, I was hoping you already knew. Well that's inconvenient because you should have received a hell butterfly this morning like I did. Well, no matter. Follow me inside, both of you." Urahara slipped back inside.

I got this uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. The same feeling I get every time I see Orihime's food or find Kon's porn under a floorboard in my room. Sick little shit. Either way I'm not going to like this.

" Kurosaki, you and many of our friends are being invited to a very mysterious event. Have you heard of a game show called Funhouse? And before you ask, I have tried to research it and there is no record of it in the world of the living. It never existed before now." Urahara said it so casually while fanning his himself.

" Nope. Never heard of it. If you don't know then why would I? " fully irritated by this whole situation. Then it hit me like a steel bat.

"Wait! I was invited?" His face turned goofy under the façade of his fan and hat.

"Aahhh….yes Kurosaki. You are and that is why Rukia and Renji have come to convince you to accept. So you might as well accept the fact that you are competing. Your not going to say no to Rukia. Are you?"

"Of course he's competing." chimed in Renji now sporting a bandaid across his nose. Bastard.

"I never said I was…" I never got to finish that sentence because that damn monkey I mean midget jumped me from behind.

"Ichigo..be a man and compete" exclaimed Rukia. The real man in the room.

" I am a man. B-" I tried to say.

" Then its final your competing." I lost that conversation and decided to go home with no intention of packing.

I got back to my house and found my stuff packed but not just mine. Karin's bag was packed, too. They explained to me that we go the invitations and where completely okay with us going. Too happy for good parenting and a healthy family. I didn't have a choice and I didn't want to be called a coward. Plus Orihime called and said she was also coming. I doubt she can look after herself and she somehow tricked me into going with her sweet and innocent voice that sent my heart f-…never mind.

(Back to present)

Anyway, that's how I ended up in this wonderful hellhole with soul reapers, arrancars, my human friends, and my adolescent kid sister, which I'm still wondering who let her on this damn show.

There was a huge western style mansion with Greek style columns on either side of the huge pure white double doors. I couldn't believe the size. It was probably bigger than Byakuya's estate. They have so much room in America. The mansion had many stair cases circling around the building and from the helicopter you could see all pools and courts for recreational purposes. I couldn't wait to see the inside. I was almost getting excited. Almost but I wasn't letting my guard down.

A strange woman (because you could easily see her huge chest) appeared in front of the group and stood in an elegant pant suit. The only thing out of the ordinary was the mask she was wearing. Now I was worried.

"Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the Funhouse. You are all contestants. And I am your producer. You will not see me again until the end of the competition. I wish you all the luck you will need in surviving the this mad house filled with challenges designed by a few of your peers who will be hosting this game for me. But rest assured I will be observing from a distance and will interfere when I feel the need because these are my rules. Please remember them while you are here. They will come in handy in the long run. Now I'm going to leave the rest to your game makers. And again welcome to my Funhouse. Game makers you may come out." After that she disappeared right from her spot in front of us.

After the chorus of whispers and surprised gasps had died down the game makers came out.

I should have known this was going to be bad. The game makers were Rukia Kuchiki (I'm going to die) , Kenpachi Zaraki (I'm dead) , Tatsuki Arisawa (okay) , Mayuri Kurotsuchi (shocker) and Jushiro Ukitake (really).

Then the shit hit the roof. Ten minutes later everybody shut up thanks to Ukitake's horrendous coughing fit. So convenient.

"I know everybody's a little surprised but I rest assured this isn't some machination to rule the world or something. It's just what it is. A game show. You will stay here in this mansion for most of the game. Everything you will need is here plus everything you brought with you. There is a confessional in each wing of the mansion. There you will let all your thoughts out. Simple enough. Speaking of each wing. I'm sure you read the handbook but I will explain anyway" Rukia droned on. " Each team will get there own wing. The teams are decided by the first team leaders who will earn immunity for the first elimination. The first team leader positions will be decided by the first challenge. Tatsuki, can you please tell them about first challenge?"

"The first challenge is a talent competition. You have an hour to show us, the judges, your talent and win the positions. Also, if you need anything from your belongings then please let us know. Carefully decide what your going to do because I'm hard to impress. Also, (looking at Rukia) you don't have to worry about us playing favorites. This is all about talent. Now go off and work. You have one hour. Good luck."

With those final words the competitors took off in different direction in a mad scramble.

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Okay. That's the end of chapter one. See the winner in the next chapter. I promise if you don't think its exciting now( me either) than it will definitely get hilarious in the next chapters. Bare with me. Feel free to share your input and please review my story.


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